Illustration by Camilla Ru
My First Time is a column and podcast series exploring sexuality, gender, and kink with the wide-eyed curiosity of a virgin. We all know your "first time" is about a lot more than just popping your cherry. From experimenting with kink to just trying something new and wild, everyone experiences thousands of first times in the bedroom—that's how sex stays fun, right?This week, we're talking to Charlie Stone about her experiences of cheating. You can listen to My First Time on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. Advertisem*nt
The first time I cheated, it was a one-off thing. At the time, I was in a fairly new relationship with my partner, who I’m still with. Since we weren’t official, I was sleeping with someone else. I hadn’t told him about it—I didn’t feel like I needed to, given that we weren’t exclusive at that point. But about three months in, we had the chat and decided that we were going to be boyfriend and girlfriend, and so we weren’t going to get with anyone else. About a month later, I cheated on him for the first time: I kissed someone else on a drunken night out. I think my cheating was linked to my emotions about being in a new relationship. It sounds awful, but I thought, This might be the last chance I get to do this. Advertisem*nt Advertisem*nt
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About a month later, things got seriously complicated thanks to that incident when I realized I was pregnant. It took a day or so for it to sink in that the person I'd cheated with might be the father. In addition to the guilt, I had to deal with all the emotions that come with an unwanted pregnancy. My boyfriend was so supportive when I told him about the pregnancy, and that I was getting an abortion, which made the guilt about a hundred times worse. All I could think was, Wow, you’ve really f*cked this up.About two years later, I told my boyfriend about the cheating. I’d thought about telling him lots of times before, but my friends had advised against it. They said, “You’re never going to see that guy again. It doesn’t mean anything—it’s better for him not to know.” But I was surprised at how much the guilt lingered for those two years. It just wouldn’t go away.We were on holiday when I told him. We were in this restaurant, and it all just came out. I told him how sorry I was, and how it had been eating away at me, and I started crying. He was stunned, because we’d just been having a nice meal together. Then he said, “I’m glad you’re able to tell me about it.” Amazingly, he was okay about it. He said that he knew I’d been in a weird headspace for the first few months of our relationship, and he knew I’d never do that now.I’m really glad I told him. I couldn’t handle the guilt any longer. At first, I regretted not telling him sooner, because he took it so well. But I think I told him about the cheating when I felt ready to tell him, so I don’t regret not telling him earlier. I needed the time.
I’d never cheat again now. I was stunned by the amount of guilt I carried because of a one-night stand. I can’t even imagine how much guilt you’d feel if you had a full-blown affair. I don’t want to carry that baggage around with me ever again.
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